Being Present

Something I observe in both my professional and personal life is that what children (and us as adults) desire more than anything else is time, and more importantly a person’s presence in that time. In theory,time doesn’t cost anything, but it is the most precious gift we can offer someone. We can’t go out and buy our time. Yes, when we work, “time is money”, so in this regard, time is costly. So surely, regardless ofextent to how costly we deem our time to be, it’s a question how we spend our time, and who with, which is crucial.

Now of course I own all the Apple devices and find myself pulled into them just like anyone else. My iPhone isn’t just a phone, it’s a tiny computer; a tool with incredible uses and answers to what feels like every question. However, I frequently notice in our day-to-day life that devices also pull us further and further from the present moment and the people who are most dear to us.

Have you ever been deep in a meaningful conversation, but your Apple Watch alerts you to something? Or you’re making your morning coffee and the first thing you do is check social media rather than discuss your sleep or the day ahead? Or you’re at a concert, and rather than feel the music in every fibre of your being, you’re capturing it through the lens of your phone? Are you really there? Or is this just another example of being there in body, but not in mind?

Part of my life involves using a significant amount time on public transport. It’s there that I see a constant interaction between parents and children. All too often I hear children say, “Mummy” or “Daddy”, or “What’s this?” without hearing a response. All too often I see either children glued to a device, or adults so consumed by it. Children are crying out for engagement, but we are often so pulled away from the present, to what we feel is more pressing, (such as what pays the bills). It can also be that as adults, we crave time to switch off, listen to music or talk to a friend. We all are so busy, and it’s time which feels like the one thing that we don’t have. But in those times where we are focused on other things, what we lose sight of is the young person who needs our interaction in that moment.

I believe there has to be some middle ground where we can press pause on the demands of the outside world for short periods and become fully present with those we love. For young, impressionable children, time with them is fundamental. Not only do we not get that time back, but it’s also remembering that as adults we have the power to transform a child’s lived experience by being present for them. But what does that presence look like?

Presence with our children is putting “Do not disturb” focus on your device and just being there in that moment. Presence is playing with playdough and enjoying being a child again, talking about what you’re creating. Presence is going for a walk in the woods and finding minibeasts under rocks. Or going to the beach and savouring the ice cream with your child.

The modern world is undeniably difficult. There is no perfect blueprint for how to ‘be’. How can we do it all? How can we give to others, whilst giving to ourselves? How can we work, but not let work consume us? How can we be in the present, but so consumed by the present that we fail to appreciate that the future requires decisions which need to be made in the present?

I pose finding harmony, not balance. Balance – in my opinion – shouldn’t be what we strive towards. Balance implies equal measures of two or more factors. But in the real-world balance cannot always be attained. Balance means we will always feel like we are failing in some area, because we cannot give ourselves equally to all things requiring our time. Realistically there will always be time where one thing requires more from us at a particular time, age or stage of life. But harmony feels so much more accurate. In my mind, harmony is when two or more factors work together, but not necessarily in equal amounts. Therefore, how can we strive towards finding harmony? How can we work towards doing all the things life requires for us, carving out time to be present for our young people who are the adults of the future?After all, don’t we want to play the greatest role possible in the creation of our future adults, and not leave that to devices and the influencers who are so captivating on those devices?

If you would like further advice on ‘being present’ and the small tweaks that can be made in our day-to-day lives, please contact us and we will be happy to advise you.